how you sacrificed
so I could succeed
how you gave me enough latitude to learn, having made the mistake
how you dropped everything to listen
(to my words)
how you weren't perfect
(especially then, even now)
how that didn't matter because I love(d) you
Stream of consciousness.
I want to remember how I felt, what I did the day we closed escrow on my parents' home in Petaluma. The day I let go of the very last part of them (aside from the things I will never let go of, including the world's softest throw blanket at the foot of our bed).
6a yoga w/ the partner while the teens slept
before they arose to argue vehemently over clothes (someone took someone else's something without asking) before they left in a cloud of chaos
before the partner did a radio hit on KNBR from the garage
before early errands related to raingear for tomorrow's metric century ride in Sonoma (fear)
before 9:30a, when I called the location scout from Netflix.
He left his number on a note in our mailbox yesterday about possibly shooting at our house for a new series called
Thirteen Reasons Why.
[I've officially jinxed it.]
Could he come by to photograph it at 10:30a? he wondered.
Why yes. Nonchalant (not).
Clean madly (aka shove everything into drawers/closets).
Light candles, queue Lumineers, put dog in car on street.
Greet photog while packing for ride and getting ready for domestic violence organization fundraiser at which I'm to be a table captain and table captains can't be late.
Moved to tears at fundraiser by testimonial of a high school girl who shares story of the asshole boyfriend who makes her feel like shit about herself, who manipulates her in ways covert and insidious, who one night chokes her.
Moved to outrage by keynote speaker Peggy Orenstein who reminds us that we are entitled to intimacy justice.
Mingle for precious minutes with like-minded guests before arriving late to sign closing documents at title company.
Get angry text from ex while signing said documents because I'm exactly two minutes late for the conference call with the college financial planner.
Am reminded during said call, again and again, why I am where I am.
Rinse it away via interlude at favorite cafe in Petaluma with live music, free wifi and divine hummus.
Joined by partner who had gone back after the fundraiser to to make a deadline, get our bikes and drop my children's things off to their father (reasons#1078-1080).
Before heading west to Bodega Beach
with ocean air
and healing properties.