Context: just dropped my youngest off to her new high school for her first XC practice. She knew no one and had never seen the school. As we walked up to 50 or so kids milling about, I have possibly never been more proud. She smiled through it. Super stressed. Broke the ice nonetheless. Took a chance. Said hello.
Oh, and yes, I had to bribe her to get her to go. I think my exact words were "I will pay you $100 if you do cross country." She agreed but not without other conditions. People with teenagers might relate. Brazelton doesn't work anymore, people w/ youngers(!), neither do positive affirmations. They want cold cash. And clothes.
Anyway, this came up during what feels like my first hour alone since we landed on Oahu on July 22.
She vowed to get in the ocean daily while she was in this elemental mecca.
To be baptized, cleansed, renewed.
If nothing else, to wash away the accreted layers of pain, grief, armor.
To FEEL ... the previously semi-inaccesssible emotion known as happiness.
To re-inhabit her five senses.
The stars had aligned. She got to eject. And land in TMBPOE.*
She had underestimated how good it would feel to insert distance.
This precise coordinate was not just her mother's favorite island, but favorite place on the planet.
This was not just the place where her dear friend and writing partner resided.
This was not just the place where her muse holidayed with her writer husband/mate one hundred+ years before ...
This was not just the place ... where the pieces would come together.
It was. the. place.
Where she could forgive herself.
*The most beautiful place on earth. (In her admittedly limited experience.)
** Third person is a writing conceit that, ya know, makes it easier. I'll get to more first person after our out-of-town guests depart and my oldest heads off to college and my frosh and junior migrate to their desks at Entirely Foreign Situation Which Is Good. Meanwhile, a lot of laundry, dishes and promising unknowns ... . #journey
Oh, and yes, I had to bribe her to get her to go. I think my exact words were "I will pay you $100 if you do cross country." She agreed but not without other conditions. People with teenagers might relate. Brazelton doesn't work anymore, people w/ youngers(!), neither do positive affirmations. They want cold cash. And clothes.
Anyway, this came up during what feels like my first hour alone since we landed on Oahu on July 22.
She vowed to get in the ocean daily while she was in this elemental mecca.
To be baptized, cleansed, renewed.
If nothing else, to wash away the accreted layers of pain, grief, armor.
To FEEL ... the previously semi-inaccesssible emotion known as happiness.
To re-inhabit her five senses.
The stars had aligned. She got to eject. And land in TMBPOE.*
She had underestimated how good it would feel to insert distance.
This precise coordinate was not just her mother's favorite island, but favorite place on the planet.
This was not just the place where her dear friend and writing partner resided.
This was not just the place where her muse holidayed with her writer husband/mate one hundred+ years before ...
This was not just the place ... where the pieces would come together.
It was. the. place.
Where she could forgive herself.
*The most beautiful place on earth. (In her admittedly limited experience.)
** Third person is a writing conceit that, ya know, makes it easier. I'll get to more first person after our out-of-town guests depart and my oldest heads off to college and my frosh and junior migrate to their desks at Entirely Foreign Situation Which Is Good. Meanwhile, a lot of laundry, dishes and promising unknowns ... . #journey
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