A wise, hilarious, wordsmith friend (it's actually his job; he names companies, concepts) included the following sentiment in his thank you note after our Christmas gathering: "I enjoyed being part of the family trynamic!" He was referring to the fact that our holidays now include our kids, their father, my partner, my father, our friends and our (former) babysitters. In other words, the "through lines" that kept our family, while no longer "intact" per society's limiting labels, together, post-divorce.
Easter was another chance to practice said trynamic. Our ritual hasn't changed much in the last 16 years, except now there's an additional chair at the brunch and no eggs in the yard (the dog eats them and the girls prefer iTunes gift cards thank you very much). I directed, my partner made the scrambled eggs, my ex brought chocolate bunnies from his partner for the girls (she was invited but wasn't in town). Aside from my middle daughter still being somewhat reticent to weigh in on the topic du jour, namely the future of their father's new client, Planned Parenthood, the conversation felt natural. The merits of Bieber (done), One Direction (almost done) and Maroon 5 (so NOT done) were debated. It felt more dynamic than trynamic. Everyone laughed at the jokes, went back for seconds and when it was over, exhaled.
The shore had been distant for so long. Wading out of the water and onto the sand is a profound relief. I'm grateful to each and every person who keeps coming back to the table with open arms and open hearts. Trying is hard, but not trying is harder.
//
* Side note: Not sure how I missed Maria Bello's essay on a related topic, the definition of "partners" in our lives. It's one of the top 10 most popular Modern Love columns in the Sunday NYT:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/01/fashion/coming-out-as-a-modern-family-modern-love.html?_r=0
Good on them.
I, for one, will be picking up her new book, Whatever ... Love is Love: Questioning The Labels We Give Ourselves http://www.amazon.com/Whatever-Love-Is-Questioning-Ourselves/dp/0062351834
Easter was another chance to practice said trynamic. Our ritual hasn't changed much in the last 16 years, except now there's an additional chair at the brunch and no eggs in the yard (the dog eats them and the girls prefer iTunes gift cards thank you very much). I directed, my partner made the scrambled eggs, my ex brought chocolate bunnies from his partner for the girls (she was invited but wasn't in town). Aside from my middle daughter still being somewhat reticent to weigh in on the topic du jour, namely the future of their father's new client, Planned Parenthood, the conversation felt natural. The merits of Bieber (done), One Direction (almost done) and Maroon 5 (so NOT done) were debated. It felt more dynamic than trynamic. Everyone laughed at the jokes, went back for seconds and when it was over, exhaled.
The shore had been distant for so long. Wading out of the water and onto the sand is a profound relief. I'm grateful to each and every person who keeps coming back to the table with open arms and open hearts. Trying is hard, but not trying is harder.
//
* Side note: Not sure how I missed Maria Bello's essay on a related topic, the definition of "partners" in our lives. It's one of the top 10 most popular Modern Love columns in the Sunday NYT:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/01/fashion/coming-out-as-a-modern-family-modern-love.html?_r=0
Good on them.
I, for one, will be picking up her new book, Whatever ... Love is Love: Questioning The Labels We Give Ourselves http://www.amazon.com/Whatever-Love-Is-Questioning-Ourselves/dp/0062351834
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